No One *Bleeps* With Our Family: “Wynonna Earp” Has Returned

“I feel like I’ve been standing here for two years.”

Us too, Nedley, us too.

After two years, several heartfelt billboard messages in Time, *ahem*, Earp Square, petitions, emails, phone calls, the passionate fandom force of nature that are the Earpers – our favorite crazy chic with a gun has returned. Seems just like yesterday that we watched as Waverly got snatched into the garden, with Doc not too far behind. And now? Now we discover their much anticipated fate. One thing is most certain, our favorite angel just can’t seem to catch a break.

With the season four premiere episode appropriately dubbed, “On The Road Again”, we are /finally/ reunited with Wynonna and Nedley, the later brilliantly quipping, “I feel like I’ve been standing here for two years.” That one line perfectly captures how every last Earper has felt like for the literal past two years. Wynonna, being all Wynonna, chooses her weapons carefully on the infamous pool table that, well, if pool tables could talk, would most certainty need a therapist.

So much happens in this episode that, it requires one to re-watch it a few times, easily. Waverly is initially chained up in the garden until Doc saves her. We learn that Black Badge might have somehow established a secret, blood thirty bunker inside of the garden – which actually reminded me of Lost – minus the blood thirsty part. The fate of Jeremey and Robin is somewhat explained – with them being rounded up by a super secret agency at taser point? We also discover who it was that threw the kitchen knife at Wynonna, that’s right, Mercedes is back! She decides where else is safer to crash at then the Heir’s house, right? Alas, when Wynonna reveals to her friend that she is no longer the Heir and that, s*%$ has hit the fan, Mercedes isn’t all that surprised.

We are also treated , in pure Wynonna Earp fashion, to new and brilliant one liners. Speaking of which, a quick side bar is needed to discuss the possibly ?new? genre of #Wayhaught and or #Wynhaught fan fiction being created. This occurs shortly after Wynonna is cold punched by our favorite Sheriff, Nicole Haught, who just recently jumped out of a moving train. Wynonna quips that Nicole is such a daddy, and thus, every last Earper in this fandom quite possibly died for a brief moment or, you know, several. It gets even better later on in the episode when Nicole tells Wynonna to holster Doc’s guns as she is going to help “daddy” draw out the sniper, whom, committed a horrible crime of shooting Wynonna’s whiskey flask. *Ahem* okay, side bar has concluded.

Determined to find a way to get Waverly, Doc, and everyone back, Wynonna sets out upon a valiant mission to do just that. Along the way, she will learn that Waverly proposed to Nicole, discover who “Valdez” is – a.k.a Rachel, a.k.a the one who shot Wynonna’s whiskey flask, and we get introduced to something called “beaver blasters”, which get used to clear out some zombies, fast moving zombies. That’s right, zombies, because why not. Hilarity naturally ensues.

The Garden proves to be no picnic either as Waverly and Doc handle their own situation. They are introduced to a frazzled tour guide – maybe – who tells them that it will be the crash course for them. He goes on to explain that the bunker, (that’s what I am calling it), requires fresh human blood, otherwise, bad things happen. And before they can question him further, he decides to self decapitate. Worry not, our beloved tour guide does not go to waste and get put to good use by feeding the machine one last, bittersweet time. Doc briefly vamps out and takes a time out, journeying back out into the cold. Waverly soon follows after him and the two enjoy a mysterious campfire, that Doc may or may not have created.

After a brief, possibly magically educed siesta –

Waverly wakes up and hurriedly re-enters the bunker, which is alerting her via the dancing lights, that it needs more blood. So, what does our adorable half angel do? She offers up her own blood – initially causing no effect. However, after a baited moment or two, the machine accepts her offering and does one more better. Almost instantly, strange flowers appear which is never, ever a good sign. Not to mention, a strange siren-esque voice draws Waves into a strange room where she is presented with four books, and a word of caution: “Choose wisely”.

Back at the secret and former BBD bunker, Wynonna, Nicole, and Rachel continue fighting their way through the swarm of the once human scientists. Did I forget to mention the one rule, do not step on the grates? About that, Wynonna eventually ends up breaking that one rule, and Nicole decides to sacrifice herself to save Wynonna, by pushing her out of the way and taking the literal fall.

Returning to the Garden once more, Doc is the one to awaken from his slumber and is instantly on guard – wanting to know just what Waverly had done… Instead of finding Waverly, he encounters one very, very confused yet smiling Nicole Haught, standing underneath a ?cherry? blossom tree?

Can you say what?! So many, many questions per usual and also, many new theories. Did Nicole fall through a back door into Eden? Who’s book did Waverly choose and if she chose Nicole, is that how/why our favorite Haught cop is there? Either way one thing is for certain, Ya’ll DO NOT want to miss next week’s episode.

On a final note, I just want to say thank you to the entire cast and crew, heck, to EVERYONE that fought hard to get our beautiful show back. I won’t ever forget that night back in February of 2019, when Emily Andras’s tweet sounded like the shot heard around the world – “Don’t fuck with our family.” Who would know that, that tweet would become this fandom’s proverbial battle cry and over the period of a few months – would spur the Earpers into action to save this show. And here we all are, two long years after the season three finale, not even missing a beat.

Be sure to tune in next week at 10:00 PM EST/ 9:00 PM CST for an all new episode of “Wynonna Earp.”

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