That’s How You Earp It, Girls & Boys

Wynonna Earp
Photo Credit: SYFY/NBC Universial

Recap of “Blood Red and Going Down”

*Spoiler Alert: There be spoilers for the season three premiere of “Wynonna Earp”. Ye Be Warned. 

 

“THAT’S HOW YOU EARP IT GIRLS AND BOYS!” This line pretty much sums up the entire fandom and I am pretty sure it will end up on a t-shirt before too long.  After nearly a year of not so patiently waiting, everyone’s favorite crazy chick with a gun and gang are back! Naturally – things kick off with a mechanical bull ride of all things at the infamous Pussy Willows. We soon learn that this night on the town is part of a much larger sting operation to lure out our lovely Revenants and make them sing about the latest big bad – Sheriff Clootey a.k.a Bulshar. Too bad they’re never inclined to make things easy for our Heir and thus, run off. A hilarious chase ensues and back to Hell they go.

Wynonna Earp

Wynonna Earp - Season 3
Photo Credit: SYFY/NBC Universal

The following morning, our ever so faithful Sheriff Nedley is protecting the town line with Deputy Lonnie when a party bus appears in the blink of an eye. Doors open and out comes purple smoke…tis not good. Before long, this breathtakingly creepy-ish chick has glamoured Nedley after asking him to invite their bus over the town line and into Purgatory. Why, sure – come on in, after all it’s about time vampires visit town. (Did anyone else get a Lost Girl vibe when she touched his cheek? I sure as heck did.)  Taking place around the same time, WayHaught are having an adorably domestic bedroom moment – each apologizing about keeping secrets, i.e Waves kissing Rosita and Haught neglecting to tell Waverly about her wife. (Awwwww!) Before the fluff can go any further, dear ol’e Wynonna interrupts them. Granted this time it’s from the barn. Waves goes off to see what Wynonna is up to right after Nicole gets a call from Nedley, telling her of an interesting crime scene.

From within the barn, we find Wynonna and Doc squaring off against one another – with of course Wynonna teasing him about his old age. Soon enough though, she has him a choke hold, forcing him to relent. Now folks, this scene right here was a wee bit of a tear producer. Waverly arrives in the barn, prompting Doc to tip his hat and leave. We soon discover that it has been 19 weeks since either Wynonna or Doc has seen their precious bundle of joy. And, the only way for Doc to be in the same room as Wynonna is if they’re training; of which their seems to be a lot of these days. Now more than ever, it is the entire team’s goal to end the Earp curse in order to reunite their entire family.

The time of dwelling on the past gets cut short when Nicole enters the barn, informing the Earp sisters of the crime scene she has been summoned to. In other words, it’s all hands on deck. Soon enough, the gang – minus Doc, Dolls, and Jeremy – return to Pussy Willows, only to be greeted by Nedley…wearing an ascot. Wynonna simply does not let that one go, I mean, it’s in her DNA. However, Nedley just goes on almost in a brainwashed state that, they did not do this. And by “They” , he means the new residents of town. Brushing the weirdness off, the Earp sisters make entry into the bar, only to find it painted red with blood. Several bodies are laying in an interesting pattern which really shakes Nicole to her core. This looks like the job of the Cult of Bulshar. Deputy Haught soon fills them in that, Dolls had given her BBD’s case file on said Cult – naturally she left out the real reason behind it. Girl, if you don’t stop keeping secrets from your girlfriend…

All parties become overwhelmed by the sheer brutality of the crime scene and soon, split up. Waverly escorts Nicole to the bathroom, leaving Wynonna to explore on her own. Taking place in said bathroom – Waverly mentions how she is worried about her “rock” being shaken up. Cut to the deadly blonde vampire from earlier entering in and glamoring Waverly with a simple caress of her face, which I swear, reminds me of Bo (Lost Girl). The bathroom stall soon opens up and Nicole is there, looking very smitten with their new friend. What I want to know is, how does everyone know that these new arrivals are vampires?! Was there a wish list put together by the town folk or a poll that had on it – we want vampires in our town?? Granted they are super sexy and all…but come on!  Ahem, meanwhile – Wynonna is looking around the bar when she spies a strange looking fella and before she can get any words out, is now chasing him/it through the bar. Yeah, that’s no creepy one bit, now is it, and also can the bad guy like not run for once?

Alas, by the time she almost catches the ghost, he’s vanished, but not before leaving behind a red clue…because..well…red hand print… ;). Choosing to phone a mysterious friend, Wynonna walks by the bathroom and tells them she has to run.

Soon enough, we finally catch up to Doc at Shorty’s Saloon – finding him waking up from something…? And on the right of your screen you’ll notice an out of place character sitting at the bar, hmmm. It isn’t long before a strange crashing sound catches Doc’s attention from down in the basement, which has him draw his pistol and go off to investigate. Fair warning, it is not wise to do any such B&E into Doc’s humble establishment because 911 won’t be called.

Doc runs down the basement stairs to find none other than Jeremy dancing – I guess that’s what he’s doing – to none other than One Direction. Holiday questions the mustache wearing, former BBD scientist as to his business in the basement; to which is replied he is wanting to make more And then there’ some true bromance between the pair as Jeremy voices his concern about Doc being less…himself. However, the warm and fuzzies are thrown to the wind as the strange purple/violet fog casually rolls down the stairs. And no Jer- it’s not a waffle maker having been left on.  This isn’t good, not good at all folks as they’re bout to find out. Hilarity naturally ensues as Doc tries fighting the fog, only to get lassoed and dragged from the bar as Jeremy is charmed by the vamps and casually asks – “So, thoughts on Twilight?” Bahahaha! I mean, that is a fair question to ask an actual vampire, ya know. Also, the fog hence forth shall be referred to as “sexy fog”. LOL.

Wynonna reappears, this time she seems to be in jail of all places, but the twist is that – Mama Earp herself is the one locked up, so to speak. Knowing time is limited, she urges Mama to help clue her in about the Cult – considering that a massive slaughtering just went down in Purgatory. However, it soon becomes clear that she won’t spill not even one bean, except for Wynonna to drop it. And just like that, Mama leaves all the while yelling into the air, “My daughters are off limit, you hear me?!”. Meanwhile, Doc again regains conciseness only to find himself tied to a stripper pole of all things, inside of the party bus from earlier. I swear, these people always find themselves in the most interesting of situations, don’t they. Anyway, this mysterious kidnapper tells Henry that they’ve heard rumors for months now that the fastest gunslinger in the West has returned fro the dead and would love nothing more than to sire him into their bloodsucking crew. But first – there’s always a catch or…price 😉 – he has to prove that he’s really Doc. Not by demonstrating his skill at shooting a gun, oh no, no, no…Holiday must survive being tortured.

Cut back to the prison where Mama Earp is being held currently and we find Wynonna trying her best to get her released, only to be shot down by the Warden, who, if you ask me, is just begging to get knocked down just a peg of two and whom better to do that than Wynonna…am I right? Anyway, she’s about to do just that when none other than Dolls comes to the rescue, flashes his badge and whalla – Wynonna gets the information she’s looking for. They then sit in her truck sifting through the file on Mama Earp, most of said info blacked out. Now, what’s adorable in this scene is the fact that Dolls is eating a cheeseburger, which Wynonna notices as well. Tense, awkward moments pass between them until Dolls bows out and leaves. Wynonna drives off and misses the lady vamp from earlier, ya know, the one going around charming people into doing her bidding? Well, now she has her fangs set on Dolls….dun dun dun!

Back at the Homestead, Wynonna pulls up only to notice the super sexy fog from earlier and practically rolls her eyes. What the fog indeed, Wynonna, what the fog. She enters the barn and soon encounters dead vampire numero uno. No sooner, she’s rushing into the house with vampire guts strewn across her face and body – trying to round up the good ol’e gang to warn the town-folk. It isn’t loss on her that neither WayHaught or Jeremy seem phased, in fact, they seem to be getting ready for some sort of party. No one told her that Taco Tuesday was now a formal affair – oh Wynonna. Before she can say another word, Nicole straight, well, maybe not “straight” because…anyway, she knocks Wynonna out cold and looks mildly satisfied in doing so.

They reveal that they’re to dress Wynonna in her best and put her in a coffin of all things in order to deliver her to the party……

Across town at the former Spider Widows house, the super sexy purple fog party is in full swing. Nedley is in a tux and is greeted by Jeremy – exchanging some interesting banner. WayHaught follows it up by arriving, dressed to the nines and looking just beautiful. Dolls picks it up down in the basement, arriving and rushing over to the coffin, relieved that it’s A.) Wynonna, and B.) She’s safe. After checking out her punk outfit – the two brief each other about the pointed situation and form a game plan which, has a very, very Buffy feel to it. Several makeshift stakes later, they’re ready to crash the party. Meanwhile, the “Master” gathers everyone together and tells the sheeple that they’ve all been gathered there for two reasons; the original families of Purgatory will be sacrificed to  Bulshar in order for the vampires to gain his favor and remain above ground. The ones  left over will be snacks for their motley crew.

*Cue Buffy The Vampire Slayer Theme Song.* That’s right folks, Wynonna literally crashes the party and is thrown Peacemaker by Nicole…? Granted, she did disarm Wynonna earlier after knocking her out cold…curious how she snapped out of the glamour. I digress…ahem, so pretty much it’s on and Wynonna & Dolls starts dusting the place, which in turn breaks the spell over the town folk. Pretty soon, the Scooby Gang goes to town and as one of my favorite bands said – another one bites the dust.

Doc, all the while, manages to free himself from the confines of the party bus and goes after the vampire whom kidnapped him. Long story short, the two know each other – go figure, right? She escapes into the night, prompting Doc to return or rather, finally make his grand entrance to the tail end of what was too be a vampire orgy..? Wynonna is obviously happy to see him as he is to see her. Dolls breaks the tension in the room, getting everyone’s attention to the poorly hidden vampire in the corner. It turns out to be none other then the Master himself. Wynonna makes a punny quip, to which everyone gives her the “look”. Anyway – she gets back on track and aims Peacemaker at his head, trying to entice him into spilling his beans. At best, he delivers the Reader’s Digest version of Bulshar’s plan. And like a good little lackey, he boldly states he’d rather die than tell them anything else. Oh, Mr. Vampire, that won’t work….nope, instead, Wynonna & Co put away their weapons and she gives said vamp a clear, one digit message to give back to Bulshar.

At day break – the Master arrives to meet Big Bad Bulshar and His Posse – telling him that he had the Earps right in his grasp. Yeah, about that…the Master totally doesn’t pass Go nor collects his $200.00. Instead, he gets force fed something that I wouldn’t want to eat. Also that morning, Wynonna arrives at the bar, greeted by Doc who obliges and fixes her a well earned drink. Cute banner ensues and soon thereafter, the rest of the Scooby Gang joins them for breakfast of champs…Chinese food. During the feast, Dolls points out to Wynonna that’s she is cut off from the booze because, she has somewhere to take Waverly to. Reluctantly, she agrees and away her and Waves goes….until…..

BAM!!!!

Oh…oh…this…this isn’t good at all…someone knocked them off of the road and…and…Waverly!!!!

 

Final thoughts:

So, so many questions! I…just wow.

What are your thoughts?

 

Tune in Friday night’s at 10:00 PM/9:00 PM on SYFY/Space Channel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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